The pursuit of perfection, then, is the pursuit of sweetness and light. ~Matthew Arnold
Happy Friday friend!
One thing I have discovered in my ADHD journey to self-fulfillment and a semblance of sanity in this life is this: I am a perfectionist.
Say what????
How can someone who loses her car keys, procrastinates prolifically, attracts clutter like hair on a moose, loses every pen, pencil and paper that comes her way be a perfectionist?
Easy. I love perfection.
When I teach music, I want to be thorough. When I work for an employer, I want to do right. When I learn something, I want to learn everything about it. When I am keen on an idea, a fashion, a place, a person, I want to soak it all in and revel in my newfound passion. I hunger for excitement and novelty, bells and whistles, gadgets and gee-gaws, newness and sparkle!
I am the impulsive shopper, the wide-eyed kid in life's candy store, the sucker born ev'ry minute.
Which for many ADD/ADHD'er's is the addictive property of the disability.
How can one resist all the wonderful attractions that life has to offer?
Sadly, the downside of a voracious appetite for various interests is that I cannot process everything in an organized and timely fashion, so life becomes one big jumble of stimulations and distractions, plus lots and lots of neglected collections and piles of stuff.
Nevertheless, one of the hallmarks of procrastinators is perfectionism. Another one, believe it or not, is humility. Perfectionists want to excel to please their audiences!
Momma and society drove into us the gist of this song, "If you're gonna do it, do it right!"
So, like most Weight Watcher attendees, procrastinators begin new projects and goals with high hopes, and when they meet with frustrating circumstances, they either throw in the towel, or they quit at the starting block. How perfect is that? Not very.
High standards and expectations often trip us up, and life can be so overwhelming!
In my opinion it is OK to be a "perfectionist."
Sometimes we score big because of it. We get the dream job, the dream husband, la creme de la creme, and our big dreams actually come true because we dreamt them!
When we fail, we can comfort ourselves with the thought that at least our intentions were honorable.
The truth is, I love perfectionists.
Yes, the perfectionist is someone special to me, as long as it is someone I admire and look up to for inspiration, and NOT for criticism, or a salary.
Working FOR a perfectionist is a whole different subject altogether.
I can't march to the beat of someone else's perfectionism. Sorry. That just doesn't work.
One is wise to be aware that perfectionism is enhanced when it is tempered with realism.
It is wise at times for the perfectionist to let go a little at times with family members and friends, or else risk the alienation of others and wind up disgusted with oneself.
If you are a magnificent chef, artist, singer, dancer, photographer, doctor, teacher, programmer, or whatever occupation you find you excel in, there is no harm in aspiring to perfection, or being a perfectionist. Bravo! You are blessing the world with a service that is incomparable to the mediocrity most experience every day.
So don't be half-hearted in whatever you are doing, and don't be down-hearted if you find perfectionism keeps you irritated and unsettled. If you can avoid projecting your perfectionism on others they will love you for it. None of us wants to be under the gun of a perfectionist. Also, perhaps you might consider striving for the middle ground to stay sane and happy, and if you find perfection cripples you, try lowering your standards a little, doing your best to begin where you are, with what you've got right now so as not to be paralyzed by fear of failure.
Remember, you can't finish something you haven't started.
So, go ahead and dream big, be perfect, (or be imperfect, ) if necessary.
Do whatever it takes to assist you towards what you aspire to accomplishing.
I hope you feel better about your search for excellence.
Perfectionism is a double-edged dagger!
Keep doing all you can to love yourself.
You are perfect when you know imperfections are a part of being a perfectionist!
Have a wonderful, and perfect weekend!
Peace,
Amy Zents
Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2
Wow, Amy, this is fascinating! Because, as a recovering perfectionist, I see perfectionism as "the enemy." Maybe it's because you're coming from the perspective of having ADHD (**love** the "wide-eyed kid in life's candy store" metaphor, by the way) and I have OCD? Giving us qualitatively different experiences of what perfectionism feels like?
ReplyDeleteTo me, it feels a lot more like pride than humility. (I stress the "to me" part--I'm not trying to suggest your experience is wrong!) Pride as in, it's OK for the rest of the world to have reasonable personal standards, but that's not good enough for *me.* No, in order to feel good about myself I have to set and meet my own very high standards in everything, all the time! As though in my head, I'm not content to be just like everyone else--**I** have to be *better.* Ack! (That looks awful, just seeing it written!)
At the same time, I absolutely agree with you that we should *aspire* to perfection (not in everything, which is exhausting, but) in the few areas where we most want to make a difference. and like you said, tempering that with realism.
Or, to phrase it another way, to have the humility to realize that no one is perfect--including us. :o)
Anyway, thanks--you've given me lots of food for thought here! Write on!
Hi Michelle, I appreciate your comment, thanks for your kind insightful thought, and I have to say you've given me some food for thought too!
ReplyDeleteThanks!