Fear is evidence of mistrust. No one likes to feel judged or belittled.
Mind-reading is rare. Defenses go up.
People need to be aware that the unspoken is more powerful sometimes when nothing is clear.
I found out that along with my ADHD, I have a few problems with trust. I automatically assume the worst. And usually I wind up feeling tense and nervous.
I know that QUESTIONS, more than anything put me on the defensive, also, when I need to repeat myself and feel that no one is listening to me when I speak.
Sometimes, I don't listen to others either, so I am getting in return what I dish out.
Nevertheless, along with listening, there has to be understanding.
If I misunderstand the motives of others and there is a riff between us, it only makes life worse.
So, I feel the best way I can work out my fears and mistrust is to be upfront and enquire about the motives of others when they ask me questions.
Some people are naturally curious, or forgetful and need reminders, others are nosey and muckrakers.
The best thing is to assume that others have my interests and well-being at heart, and truly want me to be happy.
I usually err on the side of pessimissm, and this is not good.
Is it my ADHD? or one of it's accompanying "friends," such as paranoia?
I think, that it may be my past experiences of childhood, as in: "If a child lives with criticism, he (or she) learns to condemn." I lived with a lot of criticism, and I learned to condemn. I can stop it.
I choose not to be like the adults I had who poked and prodded me with verbal pains and criticisms.
I don't want to be a jerk like them. I don't want to hurt others the way they hurt me.
I need to break free from putting other people down, or from assuming others want to keep me from my goals and happiness and are trying to thwart my dreams and desires by their barrage of questions.
It isn't easy to be strong, but I will try, and I will keep believing things will get better if I improve, and get better. I desire to work on my listening skills, my trust, my communication skills, my faith in those whom I live with and my faith in humanity.
Peace,
Amy Zents
Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2
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