Daily Tip: Fear is evidence of mistrust. Silence can cause trouble.

Fear is evidence of mistrust.  No one likes to feel judged or belittled.
Mind-reading is rare.  Defenses go up.
People need to be aware that the unspoken is more powerful sometimes when nothing is clear.
I found out that along with my ADHD, I have a few problems with trust.  I automatically assume the worst.  And usually I wind up feeling tense and nervous.
I know that QUESTIONS, more than anything put me on the defensive, also, when I need to repeat myself and feel that no one is listening to me when I speak.
Sometimes, I don't listen to others either, so I am getting in return what I dish out.
Nevertheless, along with listening, there has to be understanding.
If I misunderstand the motives of others and there is a riff between us, it only makes life worse.
So, I feel the best way I can work out my fears and mistrust is to be upfront and enquire about the motives of others when they ask me questions.
Some people are naturally curious, or forgetful and need reminders, others are nosey and muckrakers.
The best thing is to assume that others have my interests and well-being at heart, and truly want me to be happy.
I usually err on the side of pessimissm, and this is not good.
Is it my ADHD?  or one of it's accompanying "friends," such as paranoia?
I think, that it may be my past experiences of childhood, as in: "If a child lives with criticism, he (or she) learns to condemn."  I lived with a lot of criticism, and I learned to condemn.  I can stop it.
I choose not to be like the adults I had who poked and prodded me with verbal pains and criticisms.
I don't want to be a jerk like them.  I don't want to hurt others the way they hurt me.
I need to break free from putting other people down, or from assuming others want to keep me from my goals and happiness and are trying to thwart my dreams and desires by their barrage of questions.
It isn't easy to be strong, but I will try, and I will keep believing things will get better if I improve, and get better.  I desire to work on my listening skills, my trust, my communication skills, my faith in those whom I live with and my faith in humanity.
Peace,
Amy Zents

Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2

Daily tip: to start to listen well you have to close your mouth, open your eyes and nod your head!

Don't be a motor-mouth and not listen.

It is very important to use active listening skills.  It is not enough just to be silent.  In order for others to feel comfortable around somebody with ADD/ADHD the speaker needs to feel his or her words are actually being attended to.
There is nothing as frustrating as trying to communicate with someone that doesn't seem to be paying attention.  If you have ADD/ADHD you may be very quick on the uptake, lacking patience with long-winded people.  The pleasure of conversation is not what you are about.  The pleasure of MONOLOGUE is a bit closer to the truth.
Many times you want people to hurry up and get to the point.
Unfortunately, many people are not fluid communicators and they are slow in transmitting their thoughts and feelings into words.
For those of us who have ADD/ADHD it can be very difficult to communicate in a civilized manner with these types of detail-expounding folks.
However, keep in mind, it is important not to rush people.
People need to feel that they have the time to talk to you.
If you cannot give them the luxury of your full attention, what can you do to deserve their company?
It is important to allow others to speak their piece, and let them take their time, but it is not easy.  In fact, it is a huge challenge!
If you were wondering if people like you, you must ask yourself, "Am I a good listener?" 
Be honest now.
If you sense that people are annoyed with you, do not be surprised if the problem lies in how you listen.
Here is the thing about love, it is spelled t i m e.
That is the price you must pay in order to be a good listener!
I'm very sorry my impatient friends, but that's just the way it is, if you want to have friends that delight in your company!
How to show active listening?
For a start: you have to close your mouth, open your eyes and nod your head!
I'm listening.
Peace,
Amy Zents

Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2

Daily Tip: Stay clean and fresh, but keep in mind, the stink of someone's bad mood can easily rub off on you!

Last Monday, I had a bad day at work.  I was overly tired, cranky, critical and grumpy.  Basicaly put, I stank!
Yep.  Today, I did not stink.  I did not have to work and I was able to have a free, clear day with just a couple of music students at the end of the day to top off a pretty successful day at home.
I cleaned the refrigerator as planned and I took a great walk and was able to update all my blogs with gusto, er, not WITH gusto, I did them alone! ;-) 
Anyhoo.  I had an all-around nice day, and then in a way, one way, I did not expect, I let someone's stink on me!
Someone sent me an unpleasant remark to a query I had, and boom! my cheery frame of mind sank into a pile of poop!
My mood got as stinky as the person I encountered in an email note.
I felt wounded and suddenly mad, sad and cranky.
I let her stink settle on me.  It's hard, isn't it?
We don't want other people grumpy.  We want to make others happy.  We want them to respond to us with appreciation and kindness.  When they do not, or we feel they've misunderstood us, or they reply to us in short, terse or rude ways that wound us, we change.
We change from being happy and frisky like a pup going out for a run, into a stinky wet clump of hard, mouldy cheese!
Let's keep their stink off us as best we can!
But how so?
The way I washed off the bad mood was I was able to get myself out of myself by cooking supper for my husband, talking about interesting and fun upcoming events, reading topics of interest online, and overall, changing the subject!
Usually, changing to a good frame of mind (by entertaining uplifting thoughts,) is necessary to reverse a change to the stinky bad. 
Also, the sooner you can get away from the stinkers, the better!
Peace, stay clean and fresh!
Amy Zents


Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2

Daily Tip: Where you are hopefully beats where you've been, so keep on keeping on!

Awareness of ADHD is the first step to coping with it, that is, if you have it.
Find out everything you have because ADHD usually brings with it some "friends," such as OCD and other things as well.
I was surprised to learn Howie Mandel has ADHD, read this article.
(Thanks Hazel, for sending it to me!)
Getting the proper help will hopefully put you on a better level than where you've been.
Sad to say many with ADD/ADHD never get help but often wind up being chain-smoking drunks in their efforts to self-medicate.
Let's hope they find some better ways to live and become survivors.
If you are coping with ADD/ADHD in ways that are beneficial to you, and you have made progress in your life you have a lot to be thankful for.  Most of all, thank yourself.  You made your friends and family happy, and most likely your employer glad as well.
The reason I always stress that you should love yourself is because sweet ADD/ADHD'er is usually the one who winds up putting herself or himself last on the list.
Put your needs, wants and dreams up front, do what it takes to succeed in your life so you can have and be and do everything that will give you power and strength to deal with the changing times.
Be a boon to your parents and those whom you love instead of being a drain.
Become strong, and do not worry about what the others may think if you stop destroying yourself to be a member of their "Ain't it awful" club.
Shine!
Peace,
Amy Zents

Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2

Daily Tip: You need the right stuff, and the "right-list" is infinite!

There's much to be said for a spoonful of sugar making the medicine go down.

You need the right stuff to make your life a lot smoother.

Though all the following don't qualify as "STUFF" per se, the idea that follows is that you need the "right stuff," in the sense that, you NEED WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU!
There is the right vacuum cleaner, the right shampoo, the right headphones, the right cell phone (and cell-phone provider,) the right home, the right neighbourhood, the right school, the right family, the right boss, the right pair of pants, the right parents (though you don't have much say in THAT!) the right salary, the right mattress, the right pets, the right gym, the right diet and the right exercise plan.
You also would benefit with the right spouse, the right job, the right-of-way, and right emotions!  
The list of the right stuff you need is INFINITE!
Most of all, you need the right medication, and dosage for your ADD/ADHD or if you don't take meds for your condition, the right guidelines to help you to cope.
So, seek and ye shall (hopefully) find the right stuff, and then take note of it, rinse and repeat.  In other words, keep track of, and celebrate everything right that you own, or have in your life that works for you!

Peace,
Amy Zents

Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2

Daily Tip: Sometimes jogging your memory jogs false things to the fore!

Did you ever get in an argument with someone because you thought they said or did something stupid, and then on a later occasion you chanced to bring it up, and trying to correct them, they attacked you saying you don't know what you are saying and that you are totally wrong?
Well, that happened to me, and I thought for sure I was right.
Well, either I am the one confused or I was lied to.
I tend to accept the former.  Sometimes, I think I know what's going on but my attention is half-there, and so I remember faulty information.
So, I suggest for those of us with ADD/ADHD not to put too fine a point on other people's foibles because we certainly have enough of our own!
Peace,
Amy Zents

Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2

Daily Tip: If you have nutty neighbours then be nice as pie!

Do you find people who live nearby trespass on your property and make you angry and mad?
Well, the truth is, the best way to deal with not-so-nice-neighbours is to kill them with kindness.
No matter how much nerve it takes, it is always best to try and be nice to your neighbours.
If their trees are hanging in your yard or their kids are walking in your secluded spot, you may need to say something, but the best thing is to be like a monkey, see no evil, hear no evil, unless of course you find they are vandalizing your property and breaking the law.
Be a good neighbour, and do your best to make nice with all your neighbours.
They are akin to your family.  In a crisis, they matter.
Peace,
Amy Zents

Make sure to enjoy a sample of original music from my band Molly and Sonny Boy's newest CD release http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mollysonnyboy2